Walk softly and carry a big stick

I'm going to need an ozzinator water gun, some ammonia, 2 very big sticks, and a black light.

In about a week or so, I’m going on a trip. I'm going to Tucson to see my sister and I’m very excited! But… over the course of the past year or so, she’s let slip about a few "friendly encounters" she’s had with the local wildlife. So I did some research and discovered the following:

Here's what you should keep an eye out for when it comes to Tucson’s larger wildlife:

Bobcats: If food is available, bobcats will venture into urban areas - especially around sunset or sunrise. It is not uncommon to find bobcats in backyards. Bobcats rarely attack people, but walls are usually no obstacle for bobcats - they can jump as high as 12 feet. These are not pets. I repeat. These are. not. pets. (Perhaps this is why there was a bobcat sitting by the sliding door in her backyard…)

Javelina: Don't confuse the hoofed mammal with a wild pig. Javelina are part of the peccary family tree and frequent most of Tucson. If you live near a wash or dense vegetation, a sighting is likely. They use those areas to get around and prefer being active at night. These will gore you.

Mountain lion: A large, North American native cat is found in most of Arizona. Quite the leapers, mountain lions can jump 20 feet vertically and 40 feet horizontally in one single bounce. These will eat you.

What to do if you encounter wildlife:

Make noise: Bang pots and pans, shout or yell, or stomp on the ground. (I think that’s pretty much a given).

Throw things: Small rocks, sticks or cans can do the trick. Waving objects, like sticks or brooms, also can encourage wildlife to leave.

Use water: Scare off wildlife by turning on the water hose and spraying it. For a javelina, fill up a water gun with 10 percent ammonia and 90 percent water and squirt it.

Give it an escape: If wildlife is confined, open a gate and allow it to leave on its own. (Like I’d stick around long enough to open a gate for it? Please!)

Act big: Make eye contact with mountain lions and coyotes and wave your arms and legs. Then slowly back away and move toward other people, a building, a vehicle or a busy area. Never turn and run from a coyote or mountain lion.

Fight back: Use whatever is handy to fight off an attack from a mountain lion, but never crouch down, as they usually go for the head or neck. (Good to know).

And then... I came across some other fun facts that my sister neglected to tell me:

Tucson is home to more kinds of poisonous snakes than any place on earth.

It gets over 100 degrees for 100 days a year, and it can get as hot as 117.

Black widow spiders are commonly found in people's yards.

(This one is my all time favorite) Deadly scorpions invade homes at night. People have to use black lights to find them. They especially like to crawl into shoes. Sometimes they fall off ceilings and onto one's bed. (I have recently learned - from the speech therapist at school - that scorpions can glow in the dark! Hence the black light!)

Blinding dust storms hit the city every summer.

Tucson is the skin cancer capital of America.

Tucson has a local disease known as "Valley Fever" which rots one's lungs.

Mosquitoes carrying dengue fever breed year round in Tucson.

The city pumps groundwater from beneath the urban area, which threatens land subsidence...meaning giant cracks will someday open up and swallow whole buildings.

So it's really no wonder is it, that while we were on the phone, my dear sister uttered a small screech upon discovering a lizard gecko thing in her kitchen, and then said in a small hesitant voice, "You're still coming, aren't you?"

Yes, well... I'm coming. They say forewarned is forearmed. I’m sure we’re going to have a great time! I can’t wait!